Descartes and the early morning problem; Daniel’s cock; stealth chickens; lion dung and the return of the prodigal calf
May 22, 2016We spent some time in last week’s blog discussing Descartes approach to philosophy (this blog is really quite highbrow, maybe should be reviewed by the Guardian). Reading a bit more about Descartes reveals something of an interesting life but he clearly never solved the early morning problem. Descartes disliked getting up in the morning and rose late and worked late into the night. A kind of “I think therefore I am” but not until after 10am!
In 1649 he was invited by Queen Christina of Sweden to go to Stockholm and set up a scientific academy and as well to act has her personal tutor. Descartes clearly did little research before accepting this offer as when he got to Sweden it was winter and Queen Christina insisted on having her lessons at 5 am in the morning, in a draughty old castle. Poor Descartes caught a cold, which developed into pneumonia and he died 10 days later. All that knowledge and philosophical ideas counted for nothing in the end.
A cautionary tale about the dangerous job of being a French philosopher. What should be all wine, cheese and few ideas discussed over a large lunch leads if you are not careful to a cold and untimely death. It also confirms what most teenagers know, that it does no good to get up before midday.
Moving swiftly on, we now turn to more everyday matters and discover the tale of Daniel’s new cock. Daniel is our French neighbour along with his partner Giselle. Daniel has a store of jokes almost all of which are smutty and concern private parts of the anatomy. That is what makes the tale of his cock somewhat more amusing. Daniel was explaining to us that he needed a new cock as his current one was not working properly. It was overweight and causing damage during mating. He had had it a long time and it was probably worn out through overuse and this had led to over-aggressive mating and the need to hold on too tightly during intercourse. This was causing damage to the female and thus something had to be done.
In France, as you might, expect new cocks are readily available and can be obtained at any good street market. You can go along and see a whole array of different sizes and colours. You can even hold and squeeze the cock to make sure you are satisfied that it is the right one for you. Once you have selected your new cock, it is then put into a brown cardboard box for you to take home with. Daniel was very pleased with his new cock and quite ready to show it to anyone who expressed the slightest interest.
The question is, what do you do with your old cock? In France you eat it, what else! So with the old cock disposed of Daniel is now proudly showing off his cock once again and it seems to be working effectively. There has been a lot of crowing going on and certainly Giselle now has a smile on her face. She is pleased that her chickens are not being damaged and that she is getting a lot of new chicks to raise for the pot. Our three hens have not shown any interest in the crowing from next door and obviously think it is all noise.
Our hens continue to settle in and are now busy exploring the grounds when we let them out of their hutch to roam around the orchard and courtyard. They bustle about, pecking and eating stuff. They get particularly excited when they find a worm. We have been keeping an eye on them to make sure they don’t try to escape and we have blocked up the exits. What is quite fascinating is how quickly chickens can move. I have spotted the chickens down at the bottom of the orchard and turned around to do something. When I look back the chickens are on the other side of the orchard or from time to time they cannot be seen. As well as moving quickly they also seem to show the ability to find places to hide. This may be part of their natural behaviour but I think they do it to confuse me and to make me come and look for them. They then pop out of the undergrowth where you least expect them. On occasions they have sneaked right up and are right behind you or under your chair. Proper stealth chickens!
The hens have also been doing some experimental philosophy in the appropriate Descartes fashion. Today they examined the old conundrum “why did the chicken cross the road”. In our case it was the gravelled area of the courtyard. So far no clear evidential answers have arisen from this experiment. To get to the other side seem to fit the circumstances but as soon as they got there they came back. Further study is clearly necessary.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The hens then rewarded themselves a good dust bath in a square of earth dug especially for them by Mrs. Parish.
In the dust bath
In the dust bath
On a positive note they are continuing to lay eggs regularly and it is usually two or three every other day. This means that we have to do something with the eggs. This has led to exciting consequences as Mrs. Parish has been inspired to do more baking and so far this week she has produced 2 quiches and a frittata as well as a cake. So all this is good news.
So far there have been no signs of any fox incursions into the La Godefrere exclusion zone although once it gets to the evening we return the hens to their run before shutting them up in the chicken house once it starts to get dark. Apparently lion dung is the thing to get. Foxes don’t like lion dung for some reason. Who knows why as I don’t think many foxes will have encountered lions. But lion dung keeps foxes away. There was a circus with some lions in a nearby town. I was tempted to have gone and asked for some dung so we could experiment. However I don’t think my knowledge of the French language would have been good enough to explain that I wanted to buy some lion dung to keep foxes away. It also seems that human wee will also put off a fox. Mrs. Parish has refused to sanction an experiment, threatening the withdrawal of cakes and quiches!
The cattle have returned after a few weeks away in a different field the grass has grown with all the wet weather and the herd of cattle has returned. Eric the large bull has made his feelings plain by giving me his hardest stare when I went by on the tractor mower. But it is good to have them back and yesterday evening they had suddenly appeared next to our fence. This time they are a bit bigger and have lots of grass so have not tried to get under our fence.
The little owl is still roosting or nesting under the gite roof and we see and hear it daily which is great. We also see and hear the cats every day. They are all fine except being a bit miffed at playing second fiddle to all these other animals. So from time to time they wander past the gite and wind up the owl or potter past the gate to our neighbours and wind up Pepito who starts barking. The cats have now decided it is nearly tea time so are winding me up by all staring in through the window.
The weather has not been great and the cold and wet has caused the Hoopoe to disappear. Probably gone south to find a bit of sun. Saw my first Swallowtail butterfly of the year yesterday but it had gone by the time I got my camera. But the garden, grass and trees are all growing and looking lovely.
The garden and orchard
The garden and orchard
Lovely, Mrs. Parish made quiche (with our hen’s eggs) for tea so I had better go and select some appropriate wine (of course using Cartesian principles).
Bon Dimanche
Graham
Posted by Graham Parish.
Graham Parish is a former UNISON Trade Union official who retired to France with Kate (a previous self employed gardener and now resident gardener here) to start a new life of wine, cheese, french bread and a vegetable garden on a large rural french farm with holiday gite, and associated animals.
